Bring it!

Okay life got hectic.
I survived sign language, it's a total immersion class so it's kind of crazy but I'm learning a lot!


Currently I'm completely distracted by some issues that have come up.


Apparently, the ex wants me in his life, otherwise he wouldn't text me all the time. By in his life, however, he means that he wants me to sit at my apartment alone until he deems himself bored enough to consider being in my presence. Um no. So if I hang out with friends he tells me that I'm getting with all these guys and out doing terrible things. That sounds healthy, right? I told him I couldn't be "just friends" if this is the way it's going to be, this dictatorship he's created and I let him institute. So now there is no communication. He won't text me, won't talk to me. That's how important I was to his life, CLEARLY. The more I think about it, though, the better my situation will be once I have freed myself of this oppressive, satanic hold on my life! I don't need someone telling me I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm not pretty enough, blah blah blah. I hung out with an old roommate from last year and she said that I seem like a totally different person now. Instead of being the strong, confident girl she knew, I was this weak and powerless shell of a person. That's not alright. I'm better than this. I have a much better future than this. He kissed me when I saw him on Wednesday to get new guitar strings, but so what? I'm still nothing, I've never mattered and it's time that I matter. 
So here's my thoughts, Go out with your new church and your new life and pretend like you've got it together, pretend like you care about people, that you love like Christ loved.


" These people are false apostles. They are deceitful workers who disguise themselves as apostles of Christ.  But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no wonder that his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. In the end they will get the punishment their wicked deeds deserve."


You love me? No. You love yourself and you love control. We all do. But I'm free, I will soar on wings like eagles. You don't control me anymore. I'm experiencing the incredible love of Christ and I know I'm never alone. You will never make me feel alone again. I hope you can grow up and experience this love, too. It teaches you a lot about how to love others. We love each other because He loved us first. I hope things get better, it's been hard lately. But I'm ready to pray for him, ready to pray for me, and ready to be free in the love Christ gave so willingly. I know we are all sinners and I am so far from perfect it's not even funny and maybe I expected too much; but today is a new day.


Bring it.