Everyday is a fight

Lizzy here,
I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and everything will just be alright again, my heart won't hurt, I won't feel cheated or less than my true net worth. Life doesn't work that way. I grow so much stronger every day, but relapse is so easy.

The ex-boyfriend who attempted to ruin my self-esteem is coming to pick up his things friday. I'm mostly just sad about the guitar he said I could borrow. My lack of a job makes buying a guitar for myself next to impossible but I'm going to find a way! I've decided I'll attempt to start writing a song, I mean, I have a decent concept of music, I was classically trained on the trombone for 9 years. This is an entirely different world though, you become so emotionally vulnerable when you put it out publicly. I think I'm ready for that though. Public is a very relative term, technically speaking I'd only be writing a song for myself, being cathartic (word of the year!). I think I need to do this, just so I feel better. Starting with buying a guitar to replace the one he SAID I could borrow!

I've been on a little rotation of Taylor Swift songs currently, I'll start with "mean" followed my "better than revenge" and end with "innocent". Just the way my thought process kind of goes. The anger was there first, the frustration at realizing I'd let myself become a floor mat to him, followed by the desire to get even, to make him regret every mean thing he said to me to make me this way, but in the end I come back to the song saying "who you are is not where you've been", everyone makes mistakes. It's up to me to not let his mistake hold me down or continue to affect me. If that makes any sense at all!

"It's alright, just wait and see, your string of lights is still bright to me, oh who you are is not where you've been, you're still an innocent"

I'm trying to forgive, but not forget.
This could be the hardest part.

"Today is never to late to be brand new"

Lizzy